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Preston Condra Ranks All 650 Pokemon
Preston Condra Ranks All 650 Pokemon was a project done by Preston Condra from San Antonio, Texas. A kid at the age of 19 years old (as of 2013) ranked every single Pokemon '''to come out of the franchise from '''Red, Blue & Yellow '''to '''Black, White & Black & White 2. The rankings we're started on August 27, 2013 'and are currently in progress as we speak. Enjoy, sit back and enjoy the project now. '''EVERY SINGLE POKEMON '''including MissingNo is included in these rankings. '650. Snubbull https://archive.is/20131106012051/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Snubbulljpguv.jpg Words cannot describe how much I hate Snubbull. It’s pink. It’s appalling. It’s barbaric. I’m not sure if it’s supposed to resemble a pitbull or a bulldog but I don’t care. I can’t stand dogs period. Let me tell you something about my personal life. From December 1993 to July 2002 I spent the first eight years of life living in discomfort. I was living on the south side of San Antonio. My next door neighbor was a drug dealer and had TWO Pitbulls guarding his house, inside and out of the perimeter. The useless mutts would poop in the front yard of my house every day. Despite the fact the Elementary School it was I was going to at the time was only a mile away from my house? I couldn’t ever walk to school back in 2nd Grade because one or both of these useless vicious creatures would be on the front lawn every morning. My own Father was nearly mauled to death by one of those Pitbulls one day. I have come to reality to despise dogs to this day. Sure there’s COUNTLESS other Pokemon that resemble a dog but Snubbull is just completely ugly and has one of the most hideous faces I have ever seen a Pokemon have. Besides. Wasn’t there one episode of Pokemon? Where some old lady was raising a Snubbull and had that Snubbull be in charge of a mansion or something? I would NEVER make a Snubbull be in charge of anything. I wish fire and brimstone upon Snubbull and I hope this write-up is used as a seminar for all of you with what you people need to know about AND 'learn about with thinking about dogs before you think about those devilish creatures twice. '649. Garbodor https://archive.is/20131106012037/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/garbodorjpgyq.jpg What? What? WHAT IS THIS? I hate Garbodor because it looks like some kind of Titantic sized piece of mold. Those pink and blue Gummy Bears attached to it’s stomach don't do it any justice for it either. This is one fetid piece of crap. I’m going to throw up now. Next Pokemon please. GET THIS OUT OF MY FACE. PLEASE. '648. Goldeen' https://archive.is/20131106012106/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Goldeen2gifve.gif I hate Goldeen because of how derelict and useless she is. No one likes Goldeen. Goldeen is a troll in Smash Bros. by just flopping around and doing absolutely nothing while Goldeen is also a tramp in the anime. I believe in the Squirte Squad episode a wild Goldeen NEARLY KILLED Pikachu? Right? Yeah. No one likes Goldeen. Goldeen is such a hasty and useless fish. Next. '647. Finneon' https://archive.is/20131106012049/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Finneonjpgyb.jpg Having so many fish in Pokémon is just reprehensible. I hate Finneon because it doesn’t look any better than any of the 1,377 Pokemon we’ve have seen that looked like a fish before in the franchise. It’s a fish that’s SUPPOSED to glow in the water right? Like a Neon Tetra? You people need to know something about fish. Neon Tetras glow ONLY in certain Aquariums. How lame is that? I know because I would help my Grandmother out with her fish every other weekend. And to think the possibilities of fish glowing in water isn’t exactly true :( '646. Seaking' https://archive.is/20131106012057/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Seakinggifet.gif Seaking is basically Goldeen on morphine. Nothing new here. Next. '645. Tornadus' https://archive.is/20131106012055/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/ThreePokemonpngru.png This is just laziness on Game Freak’s part. I wouldn’t lie to tell you that I thought all of these three we’re just ONE Pokemon and it’s other two forms we’re just seasonal color changes. I was so wrong. Apparently these three are GUARDIANS of the sky in Black & White and they have ugly mustaches and have a severe case of pigmented Chicken Pox. I can’t say I like these guys and they are nothing but a horrible excuse to push the number of the Pokedex. Lame. '644. Landorus' https://archive.is/20131106012055/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/ThreePokemonpngru.png This is just laziness on Game Freak’s part. I wouldn’t lie to tell you that I thought all of these three we’re just ONE Pokemon and it’s other two forms we’re just seasonal color changes. I was so wrong. Apparently these three are GUARDIANS of the sky in Black & White and they have ugly mustaches and have a severe case of pigmented Chicken Pox. I can’t say I like these guys and they are nothing but a horrible excuse to push the number of the Pokedex. Lame. '643. Thundurus' https://archive.is/20131106012055/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/ThreePokemonpngru.png This is just laziness on Game Freak’s part. I wouldn’t lie to tell you that I thought all of these three we’re just ONE Pokemon and it’s other two forms we’re just seasonal color changes. I was so wrong. Apparently these three are GUARDIANS of the sky in Black & White and they have ugly mustaches and have a severe case of pigmented Chicken Pox. I can’t say I like these guys and they are nothing but a horrible excuse to push the number of the Pokedex. Lame. '642. Purugly' https://archive.is/20131106012106/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Puruglypngup.png Disgusting. No one likes Purugly. It’s no doubt UGLY. Purugly needs to lay off the Meow Mix. ASAP. That’s all I have to say here. Get this useless feline out of my sight. Thank you. '641. Regigigas' https://archive.is/20131106012056/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Regigiaspngyj.png WORST. LEGENDARY. EVER. I don’t care if those Gods in the sky from Black & White we’re legendaries or not. I don’t generally care about the Pokemon from Black & White period. I believe in Snowpoint City? The city was completely desolate and the only places of interest we’re the Gym and the temple where you needed the OTHER Regis to access the temple? What a horrible way to go Game Freak. Regigigas just looks unearthly and I don’t know how to put him but that. '640. Plusle' https://archive.is/20131106012036/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/PlusleandMinunpngab.png These two useless POS. I hated both Plusle AND Minun because of how worthless they both we’re. They tick me off because they we’re the ONLY Electric types to catch back in Ruby and Sapphire. (besides the Electrike family) They didn’t evolve and they got undeserved recognition from Nintendo. Think about it. Plusle was the ONLY non-Shadow Pokemon to catch back in Pokemon Colosseum and it was like fifteen levels lower than any of your other party members when you got one and you received it by rescuing the Mayor’s daughter. Give me a frickin’ Squirtle. I didn’t want a Plusle. Rumor also strongly suggested that these two we’re intended to be in Brawl but we’re removed at the last minute. Plusle and Minun we’re part of the “'Forbidden Seven'” It was them, Tetra Zelda, Tetra Sheik, Dixie Kong, Mewtwo, Dr. Mario and Roy. Correct me if I’m wrong. If these two we’re in BRAWL? My god. I would of preferred GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE to be in Brawl than these two horrible Pikachu knock offs. Screw Plusle and screw Minun. Minun ranks higher than Plusle because it’s blue and blue is my favorite color. '639. Minun' https://archive.is/20131106012036/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/PlusleandMinunpngab.png These two useless POS. I hated both Plusle AND Minun because of how worthless they both we’re. They tick me off because they we’re the ONLY Electric types to catch back in Ruby and Sapphire. (besides the Electrike family) They didn’t evolve and they got undeserved recognition from Nintendo. Think about it. Plusle was the ONLY non-Shadow Pokemon to catch back in Pokemon Colosseum and it was like fifteen levels lower than any of your other party members when you got one and you received it by rescuing the Mayor’s daughter. Give me a frickin’ Squirtle. I didn’t want a Plusle. Rumor also strongly suggested that these two we’re intended to be in Brawl but we’re removed at the last minute. Plusle and Minun we’re part of the “'Forbidden Seven'” It was them, Tetra Zelda, Tetra Sheik, Dixie Kong, Mewtwo, Dr. Mario and Roy. Correct me if I’m wrong. If these two we’re in BRAWL? My god. I would of preferred GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE to be in Brawl than these two horrible Pikachu knock offs. Screw Plusle and screw Minun. Minun ranks higher than Plusle because it’s blue and blue is my favorite color. '638. Pichu' https://archive.is/20131106012112/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Pichujpgur.jpg Pichu could impair itself in Melee. How awesome is that? NOT AWESOME AT ALL. I don’t care if the Pichu Bros. cartoon was the saving grace in Pokemon Channel. I still frickin’ hate Pichu. Nobody likes Pichu. I mean. Look at the poll results for Characters people wanted to include in Super Smash Bros. Melee. http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/928518-super-smash-bros-brawl/41493674 PICHU ISN’T EVEN IN THE POLL. How DID 'Pichu make it in Melee anyway? Enough talk about this useless rat. Next. '637. Musharna https://archive.is/20131106012052/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/MusharnabyXous54pnges.png I hate Musharna because it attacks WITH IT’S EYES CLOSED and it can fight in a Pokémon Battle while being on asthenia. I could tolerate this with Snorlax but with something so pink and ugly like Musharna? Not really. It can also float. 0_0 I never did really like Musharna because I couldn’t go one step without finding one while being on Route 3 or Route 4 in Pokemon Black (the routes start over in that game again by the way) SO MEH. SO MEH INDEED. '636. Ferrothorn' https://archive.is/20131106012100/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Ferrothornpnghu.png I haven’t really examined much of the Pokemon from Black & White up close and personal as I didn’t really play much of Pokemon Black. AT ALL. But Ferrothorn catches my eye for being all sorts of terrible. Ferrothorn looks like a chandelier hooked on marijuana. Gross. Being quad weak to Fire is also a negative aspect of Ferrothorn. You know what it should be hooked on instead? HOOKED ON PHONICS. I remember reading a lot of those books back in 2nd Grade. Good times. But I’m not here to teach you about childhood education. I’m teaching you things about Pokémon. And I hope you learn that you now find Ferrothorn to be a horrible Pokemon. Next. '635. Cascoon' https://archive.is/20131106012052/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Cascoonpngab.png Cocoon Pokemon have been done to death so often in Pokemon. Not as seldom as you would expect or as what you want. The only notable thing here I can say about Cascoon? Imagine it took until Level 40 to raise a Cascoon and get a Dustox. X_X '634. Silcoon' https://archive.is/20131106012020/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Silcoonpngpa.png The ONLY attacks Silcoon can learn are Harden, Bug Bite, Electroweb and Iron Defense. That’s it. I recommend you DO NOT raise a Level 100 Silcoon. I mean. Who has? …Um. Yeah. That’s all I have to say here. Paltry cocoon Pokémon is paltry. Next. '633. Azurill' https://archive.is/20131106012035/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Azurilljpgaz.jpg I hate Azrurill because it nearly man slaughtered May’s Torchic in the second episode of Pokemon Advanced in the anime. I want to tell you something okay? AZURILL HAS INSULTED MAY’S TORCHIC FOR THE LAST TIME. AZURILL DOESN’T HAVE THE BRAINS. OR THE DECENCY TO BE A GREAT POKEMON. AND AZURILL MADE HERSELF LOOK LIKE A FOOL. I DON’T CARE IF AZURILL IS 11 YEARS OLD. OR 12 YEARS OLD. OR MARILL IS HER MOTHER WHO IS A PAIN IN THE BUTT. WHO DOESN’T CARE ABOUT AZURILL AT ALL. I’M HERE TO STRAIGHTEN AZURILL OUT. ON THIS ISSUE? AZURILL IS A RUDE, THOUGHTLESS LITTLE PIG. YOU HEAR ME? AZURILL IS A RUDE, THOUGHTLESS LITTLE PIG. Most Baby Pokemon blow and Azurill is about as bad as they come. You can hear Alec Baldwin’s thoughts on Azurill at the following link below. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgj6NEk9xEw '632. Raticate' https://archive.is/20131106012016/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Raticatepnguh.png Ash traded his Butterfree for a Raticate in the “Battle Aboard The St. Anne” episode. What was that boy thinking? I made myself be sympathetic for Butterfree after that episode because Ash basically gave up Butterfree. TWICE. Think about it. There was also a Rocket Grunt with a Level 20 Raticate in Mt. Moon back in Red and Blue. And that guy was the epitome of a jerk. I also am not very fond of rats myself. Get this overweight vermin out of my face. Thank you. '631. Granbull' https://archive.is/20131106012052/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Granbull23pngyr.png I hate both Snubbull AND Granbull. They are both TWO STUPID DOGS. TWO STUPID DOGS. https://archive.is/20131106012036/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/TWOREALLYSTUPIDDOGSjpgpe.jpg SEE WHAT I DID THERE? Granbull ranks higher than Snubbull because it’s fur isn’t pink and it’s a color that isn’t painful to the eyes. I suppose Granbull’s skin is a light purple? Lavender color? Whatever. I don’t care. Granbull blows just like Snubbull does in the highest degree of suck factor. Meaning a really, really bad Pokémon. '630. Luvdisc' https://archive.is/20131106012043/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Luvdiscjpguv.jpg I’m not very profound of Luvdisc. Luvdisc is just pretty much scrap and completely useless. Luvdisc has the lowest overall stats of ALL fully evolved Pokémon. How much in dreck should that mean to all of you? The only other notable thing about Luvdisc is that it has no spine. I can thankfully break it in half and kill it without even trying. '629. Regirock' https://archive.is/20131106012107/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Regirockjpguj.jpg Another fellow Regi has fallen and it’s one of the most unimaginative Pokemon of all-time. Regirock is basically just a bunch of rocks stacked together to resemble and horribly resemble a Pokémon. You might as well make a pair of couch cushions a Pokémon for crying out loud. So yeah. Moving on now. '628. Genesect' https://archive.is/20131106012019/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/genesectbyleafingod60jt1hpngny.png I love Mewtwo. I loved Mewtwo at first sight when I saw footage of him in Pokemon: The First Movie back in 1999. Mewtwo is so fine like a Krispy Kreme doughnut. Genesect however? He’s a different story. I don’t know what in the name of Davey Jones’s locker IS Genesect. It’s just so weird. Why does it have two pupils in each eye socket? The cannon attached to its back looks like an afterthought and considering its supposed to be the REAL legendary in Black & White? Genesect fails horribly at fitting that role. It’s a man-made monstrosity and I personally hate Genesect as a Pokemon all things considered. '627. Wobbuffet' https://archive.is/20131106012050/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Wobbuffetgifez.gif I hated Wobbuffet because of how much of a nuisance the piece of crap was in Smash Bros. and in the anime. Seriously. Wobbuffet lasted being a member on Team Rocket LONGER THAN ARBOK AND WEEZING. What gives? I felt like in that “A Poached Ego!” episode Jessie and James we’re never the same ever again and I would rather had it if Jessie and James we’re wrote off from Pokemon after that episode. Wobbuffet’s buffoonery with escaping from Jessie’s Pokeball was overkill by like the third episode. And don’t even get me started with how basically it was a reflective punching bag in Melee and Brawl. Wobbuffet would bop back and forth if you attempted to use it as a shield and it would damage you in the process. Screw Wobbuffet. No. **** Wobbuffet. '626. Bidoof' https://archive.is/20131106012016/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Bidoof60pngry.png We get it. Bidoof was the HM Slave in Diamond and Pearl. But I find that to be a HORRIBLE exaltation for the beaver. Is there anything else going for it? I didn’t think so. Screw you Bidoof. '625. Trubbish' https://archive.is/20131106012019/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Trubbishpnghu.png Nothing to get your blood pumping here. Trubbish is basically a Pokemon based on a TRASH BAG. A freakin’ trash bag. Game Freak is running out of ideas. No doubt about it. Meh. At least Trubbish looks nice as being a prompter for Hefty trash bags. '624. Lopunny' https://archive.is/20131106012058/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/lopunnybynick1988d56dc0lpngez.png Usually I don’t mind FURRIES in Pokémon but something about Lopunny ticks me off. It’s oversized ears are not very bewildering to me and it doesn’t help how Lopunny likes to smoother her hands in her boobs. I don’t care if Lopunny’s boobs are elastic or not. Disgusting. Lopunny is one dirty girl. One dirty, filthy girl and here she is with being at the bottom of the list. Screw you Lopunny. '623. Venomoth' https://archive.is/20131106012112/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Venomothjpgev.jpg I hate Venomoth because it was a second-rate rip off and being not quite as majestic as Butterfree was. Also? I should mention that I can’t difference Butterflies and Moths apart but I don’t care. SINCE I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE TO SAY IN THIS WRITE-UP… Here’s a picture of what I looked like back at the age of 7 with a tower of Pokemon plushies all around me. http://i1350.photobucket.com/albums/p769/PrestonStarry/2013-08-29064311_zps47275aa2.jpg I loved Pokemon and I loved my childhood. Okay. Good reminiscence moment over. Screw Venomoth. '622. Weedle' https://archive.is/20131106012050/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Weedlepngab.png POISON STING. POISON STING. POISON STING. POISON STING. POISON STING. POISON STING. POISON STING. POISON STING. POISON STING. POISON STING. '621. Kakuna' https://archive.is/20131106012056/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Kakuna60jpgug.jpg It’s a banana. I mean what else is yellow and has black spots? Screw you Kakuna and screw you with the only move you’re EVER able to learn is Harden. '620. Durant' https://archive.is/20131106012057/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Durantpngqe.png It’s an ant. IT’S A FREAKIN’ ANT. I hate Durant because it resembles an ant and ants have being colonizing and stirring up an infestation in my cat’s food like no tomorrow. My poor Ferby cat can’t even eat out her bowl for more than 5 minutes because ants keep on infiltrating in ONE BIG LINE and manage to climb up the table on the back patio where Ferby eats her food at. Poor Ferby. :( Here’s a picture of my cat Ferby. http://i1350.photobucket.com/albums/p769/PrestonStarry/2013-06-25064909_zpsafe19de5.jpg I wish I could file litigation against Game Freak for originating a horrible Pokémon like Durant but there’s nothing I can do about it. Game Freak won’t listen to a 19 year old like me. So yeah. It doesn’t evolve and has a quad weakness to Fire. Lame. Cruddy piece of crud in Durant. '619. Cryogonal' https://archive.is/20131106012016/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/POKEMON49048104566502jpguz.jpg I assume Cryogonal is supposed to be an electronically facilitating snowflake that can helpful for you at Christmas time. Beyond that I don’t really see anything unprecedented by Cryogonal from other Ice types. First off, I don’t get the deal with its triangular shaped pupils and why does its smile extend longer out than any other body part? This is just freakishly weird and sculpting a snowflake out of construction paper would probably look better than how Cryogonal turned out. Screw this stupid snowflake. Next. '618. Combee' https://archive.is/20131106012037/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Combee60pngjy.png It’s a Pokémon where ONLY THE FEMALES EVOLVE. Let me repeat that. ONLY FEMALE COMBEES EVOLVE. I hated Combee because it was infuriating to get a female Combee back in Diamond and Pearl and getting a female Combee was EXTREMELY RARE. The gender ratio of Combees in that game we’re 87.5% Male and 12.5% Female. WOW. Played Diamond & Pearl? Then you know how my pain feels. The only time I can argue gender prejudice was ever done in Pokémon and it doesn’t help out that Vespiquen herself really wasn’t that great. This makes me question how Pokémon are able to have offspring but I’ll save that for another write-up. So yeah. Screw Combee and screw Game Freak’s tampering ways with Pokémon evolution. '617. Tyrogue' https://archive.is/20131106012057/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Tyroguepngam.png Tyrogue is more than just a Baby Pokemon. It’s a horrible Pokemon. I hated Tyrogue because of how it depended on luck and good fortune to evolve. Tyrogue COULD evolve into either Hitmonlee, Hitmonchan or Hitmontop. It would at Level 20 at either form DEPENDING on it’s Attack and Defense stat. If both Attack and Defense we’re equal then it would turn into Hitmontop. If the Attack stat was higher than it’s Defense it would be Hitmonlee. And if it’s Attack stat was higher than its Defense then it would be Hitmonchan. Sounds confusing enough already huh? That’s stupid because basically it’s confounded luck for how you want your Tyrogue to evolve into and you have no say or word for it. Making matters worse? Pokemon BY NATURE have significantly higher stats than others so no matter how many STEROIDS you give it? Your stuck to know what Tyrogue will become once you catch it. No STERIODS will help it out at all. Just like Michael Jackson HUMAN NATURE IS POKEMON NATURE sometimes. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgmbYALa0no So yeah. Screw Tyrogue. '616. Rattata' https://archive.is/20131106012053/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Rattatapngyb.png You can take basically EVERYTHING I said about Raticate from that write-up here with what I have to say and conclude to for Rattata. Hyper Fang is cheap and just downright wrong. The only notable thing about Rattata was that Marilland was killer with it back in 2008. But that was SO 2008. Hard to believe five years have just flown on by now in 2013 but whatever. Screw Rattata. '615. Cleffa' https://archive.is/20131106012053/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/CleffaClefairyClefablejpgbu.jpg Cleffa is “The Star Shape” Pokemon according to the Pokedex. Cleffa looks NOTHING like a star. Anyways I hated the Clefairy family because Clefable is a fat duchess. Cleffa is a fat infant and Clefairy is a fat juvenile. Jigglypuff was FAR superior then Clefairy for actually being useful and for being the cute and fluffy pink critter to cuddle up with in Pokémon. The CLEFAIRY. CLEFAIRY. CLEFAIRY. CLEFAIRY. CLEFAIRY. dance in that Mt. Moon episode of anime annoyed me beyond words. I remember trying to make Clefairy be useful back in RBY and Clefairy just learned useless attacks like Pound and Double-Slap that basically did jack-squat to my opposition. They also have FAIRY in each of their name. If they do then WHY do NONE OF THEM FLY? >_< Screw the whole Clefairy family. And to think Clefairy was intended to be the “mascot'”'' of Pokemon back in RBY before she was replaced by Pikachu at the last minute. Say what now? It’s true. '''Watch this video. Watch Jigglypuff beat the snot out of the Clefairy aliens in the anime.' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcxo8B-JTCw PUNISH THEM JIGGLYPUFF. PUNISH THEM JIGGLYPUFF. PUNISH THEM BABY. JIGGLYPUFF RULES. CLEFAIRY DROOLS. END OF STORY. MUHAW MUHAW MUHAW. '614. Clefable' https://archive.is/20131106012053/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/CleffaClefairyClefablejpgbu.jpg Cleffa is “'The Star Shape'” Pokemon according to the Pokedex. Cleffa looks NOTHING like a star. Anyways I hated the Clefairy family because Clefable is a fat duchess. Cleffa is a fat infant and Clefairy is a fat juvenile. Jigglypuff was FAR superior then Clefairy for actually being useful and for being the cute and fluffy pink critter to cuddle up with in Pokémon. The CLEFAIRY. CLEFAIRY. CLEFAIRY. CLEFAIRY. CLEFAIRY. dance in that Mt. Moon episode of anime annoyed me beyond words. I remember trying to make Clefairy be useful back in RBY and Clefairy just learned useless attacks like Pound and Double-Slap that basically did jack-squat to my opposition. They also have FAIRY in each of their name. If they do then WHY do NONE OF THEM FLY? >_< Screw the whole Clefairy family. And to think Clefairy was intended to be the '“mascot” of Pokemon back in RBY before she was replaced by Pikachu at the last minute. Say what now? It’s true. Watch this video. Watch Jigglypuff beat the snot out of the Clefairy aliens in the anime. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcxo8B-JTCw PUNISH THEM JIGGLYPUFF. PUNISH THEM JIGGLYPUFF. PUNISH THEM BABY. JIGGLYPUFF RULES. CLEFAIRY DROOLS. END OF STORY. MUHAW MUHAW MUHAW. '613. Clefairy' https://archive.is/20131106012053/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/CleffaClefairyClefablejpgbu.jpg Cleffa is “'The Star Shape'” Pokemon according to the Pokedex. Cleffa looks NOTHING like a star. Anyways I hated the Clefairy family because Clefable is a fat duchess. Cleffa is a fat infant and Clefairy is a fat juvenile. Jigglypuff was FAR superior then Clefairy for actually being useful and for being the cute and fluffy pink critter to cuddle up with in Pokémon. The CLEFAIRY. CLEFAIRY. CLEFAIRY. CLEFAIRY. CLEFAIRY. dance in that Mt. Moon episode of anime annoyed me beyond words. I remember trying to make Clefairy be useful back in RBY and Clefairy just learned useless attacks like Pound and Double-Slap that basically did jack-squat to my opposition. They also have FAIRY in each of their name. If they do then WHY do NONE OF THEM FLY? >_< Screw the whole Clefairy family. And to think Clefairy was intended to be the “mascot” of Pokemon back in RBY before she was replaced by Pikachu at the last minute. Say what now? It’s true. Watch this video. Watch Jigglypuff beat the snot out of the Clefairy aliens in the anime. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcxo8B-JTCw PUNISH THEM JIGGLYPUFF. PUNISH THEM JIGGLYPUFF. PUNISH THEM BABY. JIGGLYPUFF RULES. CLEFAIRY DROOLS. END OF STORY. MUHAW MUHAW MUHAW. '612. Beeheyem' https://archive.is/20131106012034/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/beheeyemjpgap.jpg Beheeyem just looks boring and something that is incredibly overdone in many other video games that I would find hard to believe it was a Pokémon at first. It’s basically just a Pokémon in a detective coat walking on two feet. It’s really not that interesting. Umm…yeah. That’s all I have to say here. Next. '611. Escavalier' https://archive.is/20131106012050/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Escalivierpngaz.png And here is basically a generic looking knight that looks like is something resembling like a minion from the Kirby series. Right? Am I correct? I wouldn’t like to reward much of Escavalier because it looks SO FRICKIN’ BORING. Tiresome designs for these Pokemon in Black & White are tiresome. Is there anything else I can here? Just like Justin Timberlake? TAKE BACK THE KNIGHT. TAKE BACK THE KNIGHT. TAKE BACK THE KNIGHT. TAKE BACK THE KNIGHT. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEzREJbln-o DIZZY. SPINNING. SWEATING. YOU CAN’T CATCH YOUR BREATH ESCAVALIER. …Or was it TAKE BACK THE NIGHT? Ah whatever. TAKE BACK THE KNIGHT IN THE DRAWING BOARD GAME FREAK. TAKE BACK THE KNIGHT. ''' '''MIKE THE KNIGHT. https://archive.is/20131106012112/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/TakeBackTheNightjpgze.jpg HOW COULD I FORGET ABOUT MIKE THE KNIGHT? '610. Bibarel' https://archive.is/20131106012021/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Bibarelpnget.png I really don’t get the BARREL in Bibarel’s name. I mean it’s not in a''' BARREL or anything so…yeah. Some people take things '''SERIOUSLY '''Game Freak. '''SERIOUSLY. Anyways. Bibarel is just about as useless as Bidoof for being nothing but an HM hog. They virtually have the same move pool with no real significance difference between each other. So? If you want to catch either Bidoof OR Bibarel? Let your desire go for whichever one you want. Just know both suck and the added Fighting weakness to Bibarel makes it susceptible to pretty much ANY attack and get KO’ed in one hit. Screw you Bibarel. '609. Mothim' https://archive.is/20131106012052/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Mothimpngju.png I once raised a Butterfly one time back when I was in 3rd Grade. I let my butterfly go and I saw it get eaten by a bird in like ten seconds. Caterpillars are NOT worth the time to raise. Caterpillars are NOT pets. Far away and from it. The Very Hungry Caterpillar is one of my favorite books of all-time. I read it with my BFF for life back in 3rd Grade. No joke. Like 4 REAL. That’s also the name of the song by Avril Lavigne. It’s called 4 Real. Have a listen to it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7qAaiRphHA …Wait isn’t there a Pokemon to talk about here? Who gives a crap about Mothim? It’s a generic and boring looking red and yellow butterfly. I’m heartbroken with wasting my time thinking it was fascinating to raise a Caterpillar as a pet back in 3rd Grade. Like totally grief-stricken. And that’s all I have to say here. Next. '608. Abomasnow' https://archive.is/20131106012053/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/AbomasnowFINALXouspngju.png Abombasnow is pretty lame. It’s an overweight, jumbo sized Christmas tree. Not to mention it probably has some Cool Whip or some Gilette Shaving Cream splattered on it’s chest. Not to mention? Even the weakest Fire attack known to man like EMBER would probably exterminate Abomasnow in one blow. Yeah. Pretty lame Pokemon. Next. '607. Whirlpede' https://archive.is/20131106012037/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Whirilpedepngru.png I’m not exactly sure what THIS is supposed to be. Maybe I am fashion bias I don’t now but I HATE Whirlipede. I don’t like Purple, Grey and Light Red as apart of its color scheme and those poisonous horns won’t be winning be over anytime soon. Not to mention? WHY DO SO MANY POKEMON FROWN? How about having a grin on your face for once Whirlipede? I just…I don’t know. I don’t like the blueprint and design that went into this Pokemon and that’s all I can say here. '606. Tangrowth' https://archive.is/20131106012049/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Tangrowthpngby.png Tangrowth is rather repugnant. It’s an overweight slob and not to mention it has more fur than a Sesame Street character. I can’t imagine how in depth that fur on Tangrowth is. I wonder how long it takes that thing to take a bath. I never did like Tangela very much as it’s walking plate of purple spaghetti and getting an evolution in Tangrowth just made my roll my eyes in it’s ugliness. I think I may need a barf bag. So yeah. Screw Tangrowth. '605. Feebas' https://archive.is/20131106012102/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Feebasgifza.gif According to the Pokedex… "FEEBAS lives in ponds that are heavily infested with weeds. Because of its hopelessly shabby appearance it seems as if few TRAINERS raise it." I love the overexerting of the Pokedex sometimes. Anyways. No one likes Feebas. I hate Feebas because it was a crutch to find one and make it evolve into Milotic. You can only find Feebas in like six squares of water in Dewford Town after you collect ALL 8 BADGES and you’re probably more then likely salvage up to nothing and waste your precious time with trying to find the damn thing. It’s quite incapacitated of power until it gets to be Milotic and more than likely by than you gave up trying to make it evolve. Also? You need to MAXIMIZE it’s Beauty stat before it can evolve into Milotic. That is so frickin’ stupid. Okay. You know? Enough about Feebas. Next Pokémon. '604. Relicanth' https://archive.is/20131106012020/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Relicanthjpgug.jpg Why do I need to drag this piece of crap with me to get the rest of the Regi’s? Not to mention? One Solarbeam attack and it’s toast. Relicanth is pretty useless and pretty crippling when you think about it. So yeah. Screw Relicanth. Next. '603. Shedinja' https://archive.is/20131106012041/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Shedninjapngpy.png I hate Shedinja because how IN THEORY Shedinja sounds pretty cool to have in your party. But when it’s on the turf of war? It’s completely useless. It has only 1 HP and immune to 12 different types. The only moves that can harm Shedninja are Flying, Ghost, Rock, Fire & Dark type moves. But’s it pretty pathetic when you think about it. Shedninja sells like a pro to ANY Flying or Ghost type move. NOTHING should go down in one blow from PECK of all Flying type moves. Right? Not to mention? Colonel Hansen was a piece of crap with trying to harass Misty with trying to steal her Togepi with his Shedinja in the anime. Colonel Hansen was such a jerk off and nearly killed that episode for me when Misty came back in The Princess and The Togepi. So yeah. Screw Shedninja. '602. Barboach' https://archive.is/20131106012108/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Barboachpngty.png OH MY GOD. ' More of these useless and dreary fishes. I hate Barboach because of how lifeless the cursed thing is. And I’m not even wasting my time here to say anything else of Barboach. I hope the whole colony of this useless shrimp washes ashore somewhere or is killed off in Maine. Next. '601. Shelmet https://archive.is/20131106012016/img.imgcake.com/PrestonCondra19/Shelmetpngum.png So. This is basically just Shellder in metal armor. Yeah. Not very sophisticated at all. Not to mention. Why does it’s lips pucker up and have green eyes? 0_0 I wouldn’t even know it was a Bug type until I looked it up and that makes it even less classy and just plain old trite like many other Bug types. Yawn. Next.